Surrogacy-What an Adventure!

I went to the clinic today and I got my Transfer Calendar, I will start my meds on Monday.  This is just so exciting, but I am also nervous.  I just want it to work, I would be so sad if I do not end up preggo for my IPs!!!   I am confident though, and just can not wait….I hate the wait!!!!  The egg retrival is set for Sept. 24, so my embryo transfer may be on the 27th or 29th…it may change but only by a day or two.

Aunt Flow showed up today, finally.  I can not help but laugh, surros get so excited when she arrives.  It means that the next step in the process is going to happen and you are that much closer to getting preggo!!  I will start my birth control pills on Monday, and get my transfer cycle calendar.  The best part is with that calendar, I will finally see a tentative transfer date. Oh, I just can not wait.  I am however, nervous, because I do not want the transfer to conflict with my volleyball schedule.  I am the head of our volleyball program and I love volleyball.  I do not want to miss any games and I can not miss a tourney.  I guess that makes it kinda difficult, I am sure we will find a way to work around it all.  That is why I really wanted to get this thing going earlier like in July/early August.  Oh, well it is all going to work out and not matter what it is just going to be fantastic. 

I went to the clinic on Friday, and my lining was a 10.  I asked what it had to be and they said at least a 7 so, I guess I am an over acheiver….LOL.  I was glad to hear them say, “You can stop the patches.”  Then, I got a presciption for provera and birth control pills.  I was directed to start taking the provera, one pill everynight.  The provera is suppose to speed up Aunt Flo!  I am suppose to start the birth control, until instructed by the nurse.  We are still on schedule for a September transfer, but I still have no idea when.  I really would like to get a tentative date.  The nurse, Barb, told Ty that she will try to get a transfer calander set up next week.  She is waiting on the egg donor labs to come back. 

On the surro mom message boards, they call the Septermber transfers..September Sunflowers.  Everyone who writes on the boards put cut pictures and stuff in their signiture lines, they are called siggys.  Most of the September transfer surros have a picture of a sunflower or an Anne Geddes picture.  I came a cross a great picture of my daughter the other day and made the best siggy!!  Here it is:

I will be going to the clinic tomorrow at 10am, to get a lining check.  I really hope it is good, I can not wait to start my real cycle.  I wish Mell, my cycle buddy, good luck.  Check this out we are both going to the doctor tomorrow and we even have appointments at the same time.  She will be in Georgia/South Caralina, her appointment is at 11am, thus the same as 10am here. 

Ok, so I worked from 8-8  today, wow it was long.  The inservice was really boring, but when I got to volleyball practice it was great.  My meds gave me another major headache and to top that off, I got hit in the parking lot before practice started!!  Then, while exchanging insurance info. I realized I was standing in a fire ant bed.  Of course, I did not realize it until, I had already been their lunch.  Yes, I was bitten a too many times.  My emotions have been in order the past two days, we will see what happens with the rest of the week.  I am now up to 4 estrogen patches.  I may not give any updates until Friday, since I will be at practice until 8:30 for the rest of the week.

So, I have had a major headache for the last 3 days, could it be the estrogen patches?  Also, I am so emotional, oh, I hate being emotional!!  I am just feeling so much at one time.  I was a little fussy with my husband and indecisive.  He just laughs, what a good sport. 

In addition, my daughter is driving me crazy.  She she will throw these massive temper tantrums.  They are usually for no reason at all, in fact I do not think she even knows why she is throwing a fit.  She had one today, I am at a lose I have tried everything and nothing works.  I put her in her room and hold the door shut.  Today she went psycho for an almost two hours.  She will throw herself on the ground and kick and screem and cry and cry, she even get to the point it seems like she is hyper ventalating.  I do not think I spoil her she gets in trouble all the time.  I feel like I have done something wrong and I just do  not know what I did.  My husband says that it is just her.  My son did not do this.  I thought it was phase and when she turned 4 it would end, I was wrong.  It is so bad sometimes I just can not even look at her.  That is just terrible.  She is sooooo cute and very smart and oh, very strong willed.  I am at the end of my rope and today I just broke down and cried.  I really hope it gets better.  She got grounded today.  My in-laws always watch my kids on Friday nights, well she did not get to go.  That meant that my husband I were grounded too !!!!

 I talked to Ty today and she is just too excited that I may get preggo really soon.   You do not know how much I want that to happen.  One more week of my mock cycle, hurray!

I just can not wait to get back to the clinic.  I have one more week of mock cycle, then on the 11th we will check lining.   Please, let it be good, so I can move on to transfer cycle.  I am so eager to find out a possible transfer date!!  Tomorrow, the egg donor will go to the clinic and I will find out more as to where we are.  The two of us will have to be cycled together.

I have been so pre-occupied with this surrogacy.  I think about it all the time.  I am also on the Surromomsonline web boards all the time.  I just like to read about what is going on with others, get advice, or give advice.  It makes me feel good that I can help others or at least try to.

 I need to get focused though, I have to go back to work on Monday.  We have teacher inservice all week and I also have to help with High School Volleyball.  That means that I will be working form 8am-8pm all week!!!  School from 8-3 then volleyball practice from 3:30-8.  I love my work though and I really love volleyball, so it will be great.  I am ready to get back to school.  I am tierd of being at home all day!

I met Wendy for lunch during my Christmas vacation in ‘04, we wanted to catch up and I wanted to see if she had a good couple for me to work with.  She told me about R., a single women, who had cancer when she was young and could not have a child of her own.  She is a very popular divorce lawyer in Lousiville.  I was not sure that I wanted to bring a baby to a single mother.  She wants to get married and almost did at one time, but she just has not found that perfect match for her.  I thought about it and debated it for a few weeks.  Maybe it is that much more difficult to find that special someone, or even be willing to commit and get married, if you are a divorce lawyer!   It is not really a bad thing to be single and at least it does not add to the high divorce rate we already have.  I decided I should just go ahead and meet her. 

In January ‘05, Wendy set up a dinner for the three of us.  It was very nice and R. is a very interresting lady.  She is very down to earth and intellegent.   She has traveled all over the world and has so many crazy stories from her work.  I felt like she really needed to be a mother.  She has done nothing but work, work, work.  She built herself an incredible law firm and made her occupational dreams come true, but she was missing something.  I figured if she wanted to be a mother, who am I to judge that.  Who is to say that everyone needs to have a partner and that is the only way to raise a child.  It can actually be worse for a child if there are two parents and then they split up.  I have seen single parents do 10 times better than two parents.  I decided to help her. 

 We e-mailed often, I started my meds and before long it was time for the transfer.  The mother could not make it for the transfer but she had Wendy get me the biggest, most beautiful bouquet of flowers.  The card said that I was special and thank you for getting this far.  I had to wait the long 2 weeks for the blood test to see if I was preggo.  I really thought I was, I had so many symptoms.  I was so nervous!  I got the call…….POSITIVE!!  I called the R., and she was happy, she said she had no doughts, she has the best surrogate and she knew it would work.  That was way too much confidence. 

Everything was great with the baby, growing healthy and strong, me on the other hand I was actually nauseated.  I was not that way with my two children.  I did not get sick or anything, I just had that sick upset stomach thing.  I figured it was do to the extra hormones, I was on progesterone until the 14th week of pregnancy.  Sure enough, when the shots ended so did that sick feeling.  It was week 18 and time for the big ultrasound.  I was so excited, because R. was coming, finally!!!  I had not seen her since the first time we met at dinner.  I would get the chance to see her and share stuff with her in person.  I was doing this for her, after-all.  We had lots of fun that day, and she found out that she was going to have a …. Boy!  

Well, things were going perfect, then at 33.5 weeks, my water broke!  Wow, that was so unexpected, I was not hurting or anything, why did it break?  I was puzzles, and I was also aggrivated.  It was too early and I was not sure if I had done something wrong. It was also the first time I had experienced my water breaking on its own.  The doc had to break it with my two.  My husband took our children to his parents house and then took me to the hospital.  I was examined and was not in labor.  They ran some test to be sure I did not have and infection, and no I was just fine.  The doctor reassured me that I had not done anything wrong, it can just happen for no reason.  I went for an utlra sound.  The doctor thought I was further along than I was, cuz apparently that boy was big!  I told her I was 33.5 weeks and she thought I was 36 or so.  I was finally nervous during the ultrasound, was the baby fine?  Yes, he was perfect!!  The plan now is to keep me in the hospital, I can get an infection easily with broken membranes and we would have to deliver right away.  If I do not go into labor on my own or get an infection, they will induce me in two weeks at 35 weeks. 

Bedrest!!! One of my worst nightmares had come true, I was stuck on bedrest and in the hospital on top of that.  That is dreadful for me, I am way to active to sit around.  I will just get so cranky and go insane.  My husband laughed and said he may keep his distance.  He stayed that first night with me, but the rest of the time he would have to take care of the kiddos and the house and he had to work.  What a trooper he is, I am way too lucky.  He never complained not one second, he just did what he had to.  Me on the other hand I felt bad and I told him I was sorry, he said no biggy we knew this could happen.  I did ok most of the time in the hospital, in fact maybe it was good for me to relax for a change and have so much time for myself.  There were a few times when I called my husband and my kids and cried just cuz I really missed them so much.  I even missed my work and my kids at work.  I love volleyball season and I am the head coach.  I was missing weeks of the season.  I felt bad because the other two coaches had to do everything and even take on my work.

R. was on her way the next day to Houston, but since she could not get there fast enough, she sent one of her best friends that lives in Houston over to visit me and check on me.  Her friend was so sweet and kept me company for a few hours.  It was nice of the mother to ask her to come visit.  She finally arrived and I had to explain everything to her.  She does not know much about labor and babies and complicaions, all of that stuff.  I had to slowly go over it all for her.  She visited me everyday and she always brought me food.  Not fast food , but food from nice restraunts.   She also got me a message.  She spoiled me.  We had fun on her visits and it was so nice since the whole pregnancy I was by myself. 

Delivery: The day is here Friday Oct. 14, 2005, time to bring that baby to his mother’s arms.  When they checked me before inducing, they found out that I was already three centimeters.  I had no idea.  I was not contracting much, so they put me on Pitocin.  I was not too happy about that.  Pitocin brings on contractions and to me, makes labor more painful.  I had to have pitocin with my daughter, not my son.  I had both of my children naturally, no epidural.  There was a difference with labor having the pitocin.  i was doing fine, then the pain was getting so strong.  I really wanted to have another natural birth, but as I thought about it I decided to get an epidural.  I wanted R. and her mother to be in the delivery room, and I figured I might as well be comfortable with them in there.  It is just a completely different experience with the medicine.  If was so bizzare for me, I had no control or feeling of what was going on.  I actually liked feeling it, with the other births.  I will say is was nice not to feel that strong pain, and I felt better with having strangers in the room with me.  My husband pulled one of my legs back and my mother had the other one.  R. and her mother watched anxiously waiting for the boy to arrive.  I remember telling her before my last push, “take a deep breathe and enjoy the last free moment you will have”!!  I delivered the baby and he was so beautiful.  I did not cry, I was just relieved that I had did it, I made it and I brought the biggest joy of her life to R.  My mother was crying and she kissed my hand and said “I am so proud of you”.  My husband kissed my forehead and said “good job, wow you really did it”.   R. and her mother both gave me a hug and said I have blessed them in a way no ever has or ever will.  Oh, I have to add something that I forgot.  The Houston Astros were in the play offs while I was in the hospital.  I watched every game and sometimes the mother watched them with me.  She got the Houston spirit in her and became an Astros fan.  Well, they fought there way to the world series!  On the way to the hospital for the delivery, R. got me a huge bouquet of flowers and she even stopped my the ball park and got me two world series shirts.  It was way too nice of her and it made me laugh, how thoughtful.  My dad had dropped my mother off at the hospital and planned on returning for the birth.  He had to take care of some business and assumed he had time.  He got back thirty minutes too late!  He was sad, he did not want to miss it.  My dad has actually been present for every grandchild’s birth,  my brothers ex-wife had three, my sister had one, and I had two.  He knew that this was different and not our baby but wanted to be there for me, his baby.  He was so happy for me though and proud.

 Baby, Winter, was 5lbs and 13oz, big for the delivery date.  It might be good that I did not carry him to term he would have been like 9lbs!!  Although, he was perfect and could breath on his own, he had to stay in the hospital.  He was a little early and needed monitoring.  He did not suck on the bottle at feedings, so he had to be fed with a tube.  The pediatrician said he could go home when he took the bottle for feedings.  I went home and R. stayed in Houston with the baby.  We talked once on the phone during the 2-3 weeks that she stayed.  Wendy called me to check on me and to ask how I am now that it is over and the baby is home.  I said what?  I had no idea they left.  No one called me.  That was it? I wanted to say good-bye and no one  gave me the chance.  I was hurt.  I was already sad because the journey was over, not because I missed the baby, but just that this huge journey that consumed my thoughts and life for a year was just over just like that.   It is strange.  I did not have an attachment  to the baby I was not emotional about that.  I knew he was not mine from the beginning, he is not even mine biologically.  Plus, I have no desire to have another child, the two I have are more than enough!!  Now, I was also sad and aggrivated because no one called me, no good-byes.  I had made her this cute scrapbook and wrote a special card for her.  I had to just mail it.  It took about a month for me to work through it all.  I realized that she is just very unemotional and keeps herself at a distance.  I realized that for her she had to just end things.  If that is what she had to do, I had to respect that.  We all cope with things differently.  I am happy for the journey and she did treat me so good and it was a fantastic surrogacy for me.  I do not regret it, it has blessed me and made me an even stronger person.  It also made me realize that I was meant to be a surro and that I had to do it again!!   The only time I have heard from her was during Christmas.  She sent me a really nice Christmas present and a card that said that ,Winter, was the baby Jesus in the church pageant.  Not even a picture!! That is all I really wanted, I wanted to have a relationship with the mother and to get updates and pictures.  I have accepted it all, it is what it is.  I did my job and gave her Winter, I am so glad for that.

After I had my son (1999), I thought about being a surrogate.  At the time, I did not know much about it, but I loved being pregnant.  It is just a great time for me.  There was not one bad day of pregnancy for me.  I figured that since there are women who can not carry their own baby, I should share my blessing.  I left the idea of surrogacy alone at that time.  I was still in college and I was not done having my own children.

After my daughter was born (2002), I realized that I still had this inner desire to be a surrogate.  I began looking into it in 2003 and I met Wendy.  She runs Fertility Resources of Houston.  She was just so great and I knew that I had to be a surrogate.  I also found out that you get compensation when you carry for someone.  I had never thought about that, but hey not a bad perk!   It is funny though, because I think many people have the idea that surros are just trying to find a way to make some money.  I did not even know about the money until I practically signed the paperwork.  Surrogates just have this drive to give the joy of life to anther.  They enjoy being pregnant an find it just amazing.  They are strong women, that possess the need to help others.  In fact, most of them are in the middle class, they do not need to do this for an income.  Wow, I went off topic.

The intended parents that I worked with were from Nigeria and built a few good businesses in Houston.  They have a child from a previous surrogacy and really wanted to give him a sibling.  I think they were about 44 years old.  They were a sweet couple and were very much into their culture.  I was so excited to finally get started and experience surrogacy.  I started to learn so much about infertility, I now know what moms have to go throught with IVF, I feel like a pro now!  I really feel for them,  I had no idea what that would be like.  Having a baby is a piece of cake for me, and yet impossible for some.

We had our first transfer, in Dec. 03, and the two week wait for the pregnancy test was aweful.  It so hard to wait.  The intended parents had to leave for Nigeria before the test. They were going to spend Christmas there with family and get some work done over there.  I could not even call them or e-mail.  Then, I had the test and got a call back a few hours later…..POSITVE!!  I could not beleive it, I was so nervous waiting and it worked.  I do need to mention that I did not think it would work.  The intended parents wanted to use the mothers own eggs.  She already had fertility issues and she was 44.  The chances were actually quite low.  I did not know what to do, I could not talk with my intended parents.  I was doing this for them, not me, I really needed to share this with them.  Finally I got a call from the mother at 3am, she forgot about the time difference.  The next week I had to go get another blood test, turns out that my numbers dropped.  That means that the cell stopped dividing and developing.  I was going to miss carry.  Now, if i had just gotten preggo on my own, if this were to happen I would never know I was even preggo.  I would just get me period and no big deal.   This was different I actually knew about it and plus I was wanting to give someone a baby.  It was difficult, mostely because I was alone, never got to talk with the parents.  They did not even know what was going on.  Finally in late Jan.  they came back to Houston.  The mother called me and told me we were going to try again.  I was not sure I wanted to.  I still wanted to be a surro, but not in this situation.  They left the country and did not communicate with me for over a month.  Plus, deep down I knew her eggs were not going to work.  She refused to use donor eggs.  I called her and explained that I was uncomfortable and did not want to go through it again.  Then, she reminded me that I agree to work with them for a year or three transfers whatever comes first.  I was stuck, and she promised that this was the last trial.  I got through it and realized I needed to hold up my side of contract, afterall you never know with nature.  We transfered in March, but it was negative.  I figured that to be Gods will and that we were done.  Oh, no she had to try three times.  I started my meds once again.  Two weeks later, I get a call from the father.  He says that they have a family emergency in Nigeria and must go back.  We will stop the cycle until they return. 

That was the last I heard from them.  Too Crazy!!  Wendy had not talked to them either.  We tried to get intouch with them several times, but nothing.  It still puzzles me.  October rolled around and I was free of my contract.   I was relieved and told Wendy to find me another couple. 

I learned from that journey, that some of the intended parents will consider surrogacy as a business arrangement.  That is what it felt like the whole time with them.  They were serious when they spoke to me and never informal.  That is not what I wanted in my adventure, I wanted a relationship with the intended parents and I wanted it to be fun.  The experience also confirmed that I was meant to be a surrogate.  I was so ready to begin another Adventure.

I am having so much fun with this journey so far and it has just started!!  With my last journeys I did not communicate with any other surros.  Wendy (agency) was my complete life line.  She is just so good to me, I love her to dearly!!   She is always there for me and she knows so much, she can answer all my questions and if for some reason she does not have an answer she will find one and get back to me.  I can not imagine going through a journey without her.  I have been getting on the message boards at SurroMomsOnline, since June.  It is so cool, I found out that there are so many women like me.  I am not crazy after all….LOL!  There are intended parents and surros on the boards, so I get to read about other situations, stories, and excitement.  I can also help others which I love and even get help if I need it. 

One day, another surro emailed me with some questions.  I replied and before I knew it we were emailing back and forth.  Mell is now my surro buddy.  I am just so excited.  It is so much fun to go through this at the same time as someone else.   This is her first journey, so it is a good match.  As we communicated it seemed that we had many things in common.  With my first journy the intended parents were from Nigeria, oh and I am white.  That journey did not work out but it would have been an outstanding experience.  Here’s the thing, Mell is african american and her intended fathers are white.  Weird coincidnce.  We were both born in South Carolina, she still lives there.  Oh, and we were both do AF on the same day.  I decided we would have a challange to see who got AF first.  I am competative, I am coach and all!!  Turns out I lost, bummer.  She got AF last Friday.  I know we are silly, but it is just for fun.  However, she will have to watch out I do not like to loose, so another big challenge will have to set me right!!   We both went to the doc on Monday and we both started our Mock cycles on Monday too.  In addition, we will both be going to the clinic on the 11th for lining checks.  Crazy!!  We are both hoping that our transfers will be on the same day, it will just be too awesome.