Surrogacy-What an Adventure!

 Last week at Dr. Lloyd’s office he mentioned a new board recommended scan.   It is called  a nuchal translucency scan or NT.    The scan is done between weeks 11 and 14, it involves two parts….(1)  An ultrasound to measure the skin fold on the back of the fetus’ neck (2) blood work.     The scan is not a diagnostic test, it is just an estimated percentage that the fetus has a chromosomal abnormality, downs,  or even a heart defect.    They have collected data during these weeks of pregnancy and find that if the skin fold is of a certain range you have a higher chance for an abnormality.    To actually get a diagnosis you would have to do an invasive proceedure such as CVS or amnio.    These are risky proceedures,  so it is an advantage to have this none invasive proceedure available.   The test has gray areas, you may get a high number and deliver a healthy baby, but it is another good tool to be used.  

I have been nervous about the test.   Not to actually have the test done, but the chance that I may have to get an amnio.   I really do not want to do one of those.  Also, the chance that we may need to abort the pregnancy, is just not pleasant.     Today I was actually looking forward to the test and had positive feelings about it all.    The appointment was for 1:30, but I did not get seen until almost 3:30….what a long wait.    When I got in the room I noticed a sign that said to turn off all cell phones.   This was sad because I wanted to call the parents during the testing.    When the doc came in I asked if I could use my camera to video the scan, he said that after he finished the actually measuring he would scan for a few seconds for my video.  I thought that was sweet.    He began to scan me and I was talking and then laughed.  When you laugh your whole belly moves and well, so does uterus and baby, he scolded me and told me not to move or laugh anymore.   Oops!!    He measured baby B who was still pretty big, 8 weeks 2 days, still a long way from being absorbed.    Then on to Alpha who measured 12 weeks 4 days, I am 13 weeks 1 one day today so he said that was good.    Then he began to measure the nuchal fold.   This took a little time, he had to search for the best view.   The fold measured 1.24.   When he finished he let me video and here it is…..

http://s59.photobucket.com/albums/g296/coachdenisek/tilman07/?action=view&current=bc9c13b6.flv

As you can see from the video he also measured baby B’s fold and it was 4, that is a huge difference and confirms that the poor thing had a chromosomal issue and did not have a chance.   After having my fears about this test I am so glad we did it.   I know Ty and Lee will be so relieved to know that Alpha looks amazing and as far as the fold goes it is normal.  We still have to wait for the blood work, but it might give a bad reading since we have a lost twin and the twin is still pretty big.  It was so nice of the doctor to measure both and show us the difference it helped explain the test too.   I must say this was a great day I finally left an ultrasound with such an upbeat feeling.   I am not nervous or upset all is wonderful.   Whew…..that is a good thing because I think the stress was getting to me….LOL…..however I actually did have a stomach virus this weekend and it was not fun.

 I called my doctor to let them know I had the test done and I will not be going back to him for 4 weeks.  At 17 weeks I will have another ultrasound and see him.   This is a change of pace because I have had a doctor’s visit every week so far and an ultrasound.   Poor Ty she is going to have severe withdraws from the weekly pictures, but hey she has been ever so lucky to have so many already!   When I called I also had to ask the nurse a question for my poor husband……am I allowed to have sex again?   I have been restricted since week 7 or 8 and he is dying.    Turns out I got a NO….baby B needs to get smaller, doc still wants to take precautions.    He is trying to be a good sport but I think I owe him big time….yikes!!   I love him so much he really is amazing.    So maybe that was all TMI, but part of the territory.  

Well, I am now 12 weeks and entering the second trimester, yipee!   The chance for miscarrage takes a large drop and sickness pretty much goes away.    My pants are not fitting anymore and my tummy well it is not flat anymore, I have a cute bump there!  

I have been feeling pretty good as far as the pregnancy goes, but I have a head cold right now that is keeping from sleeping through the night.   The spotting that I have been having is just about gone, which is nice.   I am a bottomless pit, I never feel full!   I do feel rather lazy and blah since I have not been able to do my normal exercising, but I will survive….LOL    I was talking to my kids about the baby as I tucked them in for bed the other night.   I told my son that the baby is due two days after his birthday.   I said that it sure would be neat if I end up having the baby on his birthday.   Then he said , “yes but you would not be there”…..I got confussed and thought he meant I would not be at the birth, so I said why.    He said “cuz you would be having a baby so you will miss my birthday, but whatever”.   I told him he could just come celebrate at the hospital….he liked that idea.   Then he said that if it is a boy he likes Jimmy and for a girl he likes Sarah, then my daughter said she liked Johnny and Kelly…..those are some simple names, my kids are silly!     Who knows, but only a few more weeks until we actually find out what the baby will be!!   Madison rubs my tummy and kisses the baby for Lee and Ty almost everyday it is sweet.   

I finally went to see my OB today, Dr. Lloyd, it was great!   I love him so much, he is great.    I feel so much better now and more relaxed.   He did a scan and the baby is doing just fine….hurray!!   Still measures about 4 days behind, but hard to get a good measurement, the baby is squashed in a funny position and the vaginal scan is not that great when you are this far along.   Below is a link to the video of the scan.   You will hear the doctor, me and Wendy.    Wendy is the one who will be joking about little boy parts, she is a nut, but I love her for it …. hehehe!!     I am not sure I want to guess what I am having but I must say I feel it is a girl, I am not as wide as I have been when preggo with boys and well, I have a feeling Ty would like a girl, but I could be wrong.   I know everyone is just delighted we have a baby growing and it is not going to matter the sex.    In the beginning of the video you will the doc measuring baby B, who we lost.   I just did not want everyone to be puzzled when they see a small blob and no heart beating.   Alpha looks wonderful, but unfortunately I think the baby was sleeping,  was not moving around like last time.    I think the 40 min. drive induced the sleep.   I should have poked my tummy!!  Wendy took the video this time and it is a different machine then the other clinic used.. Ok, enjoy…

 http://s59.photobucket.com/albums/g296/coachdenisek/tilman07/?action=view&current=bc2d75ba.flv

I was suppose to have another ultrasound on Wednesday, however I had it today.    I have been spotting for a few days and today it was a little heavier then it  had been.  Plus, I have been having mild cramps for a few days.   I called Barb, but had to leave a message.  Then, I called Wendy just to let her know what was going on and she told me to call Barb right away.  I explained that I had called but she has not called me back.   Wendy called Barb and then calle me back to say that I should call back and then go in for a scan today.   I left right after school for the scan.   I was actually glad that I was going.   I have been worried about baby A and it has been driving me crazy.   I called Lee and Ty but was unable to reach them.   Once again I did not have my camera and that upset me.  I wanted to tape the baby moving so that Lee and Ty could see.   I will not forget the camera next week, I will keep it in my school bag all week!

 The nurse put the prob in and as I looked on the screen I had to hold my breath.   As we looked I did not see a heartbeat then she moved the prob, I realized that she had it on B first.   She moved it over to Alpha and there was a strong heart just a beating.   Wow, this overwhelming sence of relief came over me and I could finally breath again!!   I noticed that the baby was not moving like last time,  so I said that maybe the baby was napping.   The nurse measured the heartbeat and it was great….179.  She then measured Alpha and guess what….10 weeks 3 days….only 3 days behind now!!   I suppose we woke Alpha up from cutesy sleep because after the measurments, the baby just started wiggling and at one point even waved at us,  it was so sweet.   Yipee…what a good day!    As she scanned everything look just as it should.   I did not have any bleeds or other issues.   Baby B has not changed yet, which surprised me but the nurse said that it can take a while.   I though it would be smaller or something by now.   We are just assuming that is why I have had some bleeding, so nothing to worry about.   I remember I told the nurse and Wendy that if there is something bad on the scan today I will cry.   I did not have to worry about that, but as I went to put my clothes back on, I almost just burst into tears, but good ones fulled with joy!!    What is wrong with….mushy…hmmm, gotta be the pregnancy….LOL!!

Check out the arms and legs, fingers and toes, and the facial features….too cute.  I got more good news tonight as I checked my e-mail…..I will be finished with all meds this weekend!!

Yesterday, was my 28th birthday.   While at work, I got a call from the office letting me know that there is something down there for me to pick up.  I thought it was some balloons or something from the school or PTA.   When I got to the office the secretary handed me a vase of beautiful purple flowers.  I was very surprised and confussed as to who could have sent them.   I knew for sure it was not my husband.   I thought it could be my mother or Wendy from Fertility Resources.   I opened the card and it read….”Thanks for sharing your birthday with us.   We are the Lucky Charms.   Lot of kicking and wiggling to come.  Hugs, Alpha and Bravo!”   So then I was puzzled.   Where they from Lee and Ty?  Hmmm, they do not have the address to my school, and I am not even sure they remember the name of it.   So I called Ty,  and told her that I got flowers, signed Alpha and Bravo, she laughed and said yes they are from the babies.   It was so sweet and such a cute idea.  It made my birthday so special.  Thanks so much Lee and Ty!!

This morning I woke up and went to take a shower.  I took my shirt off and looked in the mirrow, I just have to see if my tummy is growing!   Well, just as I did that I had this bad feeling come over me and I had the strongest urge to cry.   It was very weird.  I took a deep breath rubbed my tummy and figured I was just nervous about the ultrasound.   On the way to the clinic, I realized that I did not have my camera, which bummed me out.   I always tape the ultrasound.   Since my appointment was earlier than normal, I decided I would just call Lee and Ty.   It would be as if they were there with me and the babies.   As the tech started the scan the phone was ringing.   I was waiting for them to answer and watching the screen.   The nurse always checks for heartbeats on both, then measures each baby.   I quickly saw Alpha’s beating, and then as she moved the prob I noticed that there was no beating in Bravo.   I held me breath and then the nurse said it outloud, “I do not see a heartbeat on B.”   A second later Lee answered the phone.   I said the hellos and told him that I decided to call them this time so they could be there too.   They laughed and then I had to tell them what was going on.   I told them that we just started the scan and baby A looks great, but at the moment we did not see a heartbeat on baby B.  They paused and I could sense the sadness for Ty.   Lee was very calm and rational and just waiting for all the news.   We continued with the scan, taking measurements for baby A.   A measured 9 weeks and has a heartrate of 183, kind of fast but fine.   Baby A was just a wiggling, tiny arms and legs waving around…..just so cute.   On to baby B, which was very difficult.   I was still holding my breath and just laying there trying to take it all in and not get emotional.  As she checked, it was certain that the heart had stopped beating.   The strange thing is that B measured 9 weeks 3 days.   Ty was very upset and I could hear her cry, it was so hard for me not to cry.   My heart was so heavy for Lee and Ty.   I was pretty devistated and so I could only imagine what they were feeling.   You only expect to have one, and then you find out you are having two.   You are shocked and overwhelmed at first, then you get so excited and hopeful, and now all the feelings have to be re-adjusted.    I had so many fears before and I had accepted them and was just so excited about the new experience I was going to have.   Having twins was going to be challenging, but so neat too.  Wendy talked to Lee for a few minutes after the doctor left the room and then he said good-bye.   Ty must have been in a different room I did not hear her.   She called me on my way home.  She said she was sorry for  leaving the room,  but I totally understood.    She was so dear to me.   She let me know that she was concerned for me and that she wants me to be ok.   She and Lee are so happy to have me and could not do this with anyone else.   She sounded sad, as anyone would with a loss, but yet so hopeful.   She is happy to know that A is doing great and believes that all will be just fine.   We agreed that God has a plan and there is a reason this happened.   I am so glad she called me, it helped me and I certainly hope it helped her.   I did cry while talking to her, but still tried to hold back.   I guess I wanted to stay strong for her, I do not want her to worry about me.  

What is just so weird to me is that I was so conservative in the beginning, hesitant to completely accept it was twins.   I thought, well there are two, but at any moment there may not be.   I was nervous at the first ultrasound, when there were no heartbeats and when they measured so small.   Then at the second one, there were heartbeats, but they were still behind.   Then at the third one they were doing great but behind.   I was getting more positive every week.  Then I had the bleeds at the next one and was on bedrest.  That was not fun, but it was over quickly.   The bleeds got better.   I did notice at the 9 week ultrasound that B was not as defined as A.   I noticed it, but did not think it was a big deal.  It is hard to see in the pictures and it was so early.   I guess it was true though, B was just not developing as well as A.   The doctor said that majority of losses in the first trimester, are chromosomal issues.   I assume that is what happened here.  I told Ty I would rather the loss happen now rather then later.   She agreed and said that it is natures way of dealing with a complication that may have happened later.   My mind as so many thoughts swirling around.   I feel so sad and dissappointed and wish this had not happened.   At the same time, I know that one will be easier and safer for everyone.   Some of the fears that come with twins are now gone.   I guess my biggest hurdle to overcome right now is, the small chance that a miscarrage of the one will affect the other baby.   I think it is a really small chance, but since it can happen, everyday is going to be a little scarry.   I will go back to the clinic next week for another ultrasound, to be sure that all is ok.  Then I will go to my OB, Dr. Lloyd the following week and he will do a scan too.  

Sometimes we can take things for granted in life and then get hit with something to wake you up.   I was so blessed with my children.   I did not have any bad experiences with fertility, and now that I am a surrogate I have read so many things and even exerienced so much.   What I have delt with probably on scratches the surface of what some people have had to deal with as far as fertility goes.   My heart goes out to them and I ever so thankful that I can help them out.   I can bless them just as I have been blessed.   The most meaningful things in life can come out of great struggles.   I love you Lee and Ty and I will do all that I can possibly do to bring this miracle to you.   Go Alpha Go, we love you!