Two Weeks after Twinkie Delivery…

{ December 26, 2011 @ 5:16 am } · { Uncategorized }

When I stepped into my house, 4 days after the delivery, it felt really strange.  I looked at my husband and said “I am suppose to still be pregnant.  I should still have a huge belly and babies should not be here yet, it is just too early.”  He told me it is ok, they are here because it was their time and you did a great job.  He had to remind me I was not in control of everything and that not only are the babies alive and healthy, so am I.   

I have been pumping milk every 2 hours for 20 minutes.  This is what the nurse suggested at the hospital, because I need to provide for twins.   The first 5 days of pumping I was trying to stay positive and get use to it all, I was getting some clostrum but not a good amount and not full milk.  I was getting a little discourged, so asked about it and was told it might take a week due to a c-section delivery.  Ha, sure enough at day 7, there it was good milk.  Each day I gradually began to get greater amouts of milk with each pump.  I love it and I am really just too happy that I decided to provide breast milk for the twins.   And now that I am getting much more, there are times when I can actually wait 3 hours in between pumping.   B and D have thanked me several times for taking this on, and it really is my pleasure    B also tells me that the nurses in NICU say that my milk is really good milk, just perfect.   I had to laugh because I do not understand all about that or how  you would even know the difference from one milk to the next.  They say you can tell by color and stuff.    If that is the case, then oh I just hope it will help these babies get home next week!    They are still doing good and making strives, and luckily no more set backs since that belly button tube issue with the girl.   

The past two weeks were difficult not getting to help out around the house much.  Hard to watch my sweetheart do all the cleaning and help me and the kids.  Oh and hard not cooking, I love doing that for my family…but then again sure was a little less stress, no planning meals..ha    I had help from my mom and my sister, who drove me to finish up Christmas shopping and allowed me to get out of house and get some walking in.  It is good for my recovery to get up and walk some.   And good for me mentally, as I will just go insane sitting around.    I have never had a c-section or any surgery that has cut me open.  I had to figure out how to get up without using my abdominal muscles much.  I sleep in the recliner so that I can use it to help me get up.   Also since I get up every 2 hours even through the night, I can sleep in living room and pump in kitchen and not wake up my husband.  My pain has gone away alot the past two days , in fact today and yesterday I only took one pain pill.  My kids are happy that I can drive again. 

After the first week, I was and emotional disaster.   There are several reasons, hormones and post delivery, but also some nasty comments made on a surrogate message board I use, www.surromomsonline.com and some family issues.   I just broke down and cried and cried one day.  I would get up in the middle of the night and cry each time I pumped.   The first week, I did my best to push back all my bad thoughts like feeling so quilty the babies came early and just not understanding why.  Hating that the parents have to go through this and the babies being in the NICU for weeks.  Plus parents are having to stay here in Houston and not at home.   In addition, having to adjust to the c-section all that goes with it.  I suppose if you have a c-section and never had a vaginal birth you can’t know the difference.   The nasty comments also just insensified my insecurties, but I have to stay positive.  I did all I could and did the best I could every day.   Lots of people have said “it was just their day, they needed to come”   But sometimes it is hard to accept…why??   When does that get easier and go away?   I love seeing the parents and the babies it is beautiful and fills me with joy, but sometimes when I leave the hospital or when I just sit here I get sad and upset with myself.   I thought after my two bad emotional days it was gone…but still there a little.   And then I feel bad for being sad, it seems kinda selfish.  After all, so many other terrible things could have happened and so many people have struggled with these tragedies.   We were all blessed, although it was early and I have to be thankful and recognize it and its significance.    I also wonder if my emotions are more intense then they have ever been because I am not able to run or exercise.   That has always been my outlet and helps me mentally and physically.   Not to worry, I am still going to be taking it easy and not going to run a risk of hurting myself.   I have no idea when I will get to do that stuff but I am accepting it    In the mean time I get to pump for the babies which is one thing that helps me, it truely does    and then it passes on to those babies and helps them..how great is that!

Merry Christmas!!    Gee, seems like part of my post was such a downer, and I did not mean for it to be, I just like to share what is going on and be real.  Please note that I am truely happy and blessed!     I hope to be back very soon and report that babies are about to transition home!!